Domestic Violence In Nigeria

LEADERSHIP- Every day the world over, women put up with domestic violence for a number of reasons. In view of this, Blessing Bature writes on the need for swift intervention on this endemic menace that has eaten deep into the Nigerian society. According to United Nations’ definition, domestic violence takes many forms ranging from physical to sexual, emotional and mental. And even though traditionally, domestic violence is committed against females, there have been reports where the man in the relationship is the one being violated. In Nigeria, domestic violence, where the woman is the victim, is a common problem in many homes mainly because of the deep cultural belief that it is socially acceptable to hit a woman in the guise of discipline. This social context of violence is based largely on the patriarchal nature of our society where violence against a wife is seen as a tool that a husband uses to chastise her so that she improves her ways. It is therefore not uncommon for a woman to lose her rights upon marriage in this part of the world even as the implicit obedience and deference for men is socially encouraged within the society. Yoruba women, for instance, call their husbands ‘olowo ori mi,’ which translates into ‘the one who paid my bride price.’ In effect, marriage leads a woman into giving up her right to everything. In practice where a bride price is paid, it is common for the husband to believe that by paying the bride price, he now owns his wife. The act of marriage is seen to give the husband full ownership of the woman where she is made to surrender her right to her body to him as well as her agency. Women who find themselves in abusive relationships usually do not have a sense of freedom and, on average, it has been proven that it takes a woman seven times more strength to leave such a relationship for good, than it would, a man. These women also often lose the support of their family and friends which further gives the man the chance to continue the abuse since he is certain she has no one to go to for help. Like one victim of domestic violence, Comfort Sunday confirms, the abuse usually begins with subtle emotional abuse which gradually becomes intense and subsequently leads to physical abuse that they may have to endure for the rest of their lives. “I was in a violent relationship for 18 years. In the early days of the marriage, the first half of the first year, there was no episode of violence or abuse. But after half a year, things began to happen. ‘‘One of the things abusers tend to do is to isolate us from the community as well, so it’s harder for us to seek help in many ways and over time, we believe in the lies they tell us. I’ve read my Bible almost every night since I was young. It brings me comfort knowing God cares for me no matter how big is the storm.’’ And then, there is the shame factor in the whole abuse. ‘‘It was very hard for me to open up to anyone,’’ she said. ‘‘I had a friend at work, a colleague who was in an abusive relationship at some point her life too but I still didn’t feel comfortable telling her about my plight.’’ According to Comfort, the abuse began with just restricting her from doing things that she was ordinarily supposed to be allowed to do. ‘‘It started with things like, we’d have to travel but for the whole trip I wasn’t allowed to go to the toilet.’’ And to make matters worse, he would do it in front of the children. ‘‘He actually would not hide the abuse from the children, sometimes he would have outbursts in front of them and, somehow, I still believed it was better for me to stay for the good of the children, not considering the fact that children who witness abuse on one of their parents themselves most times live the experience later in life. ‘‘When you remain in such a relationship for a long time, you lose your identity. You believe in the lies you are told and refuse to believe in our ability to live independent lives. In most cases, the reasons men give for physically abusing their partners include being drunk, financial issues or that they were rejected when they made sexual advances at their partners. This last reason sometimes results in the man raping the woman and scaring her for life because violence of this nature includes slapping and kicking the woman while trying to force himself on her. This form of violence, to a large extent, goes unreported in Nigeria because of the burden of proof necessary for conviction as well as the social stigma it brings. About 25 per cent of women report being forced to have sex by either a current partner or a former partner. As far as the financial reason is concerned, a good number of wife beating occurs when the woman makes more money than her husband or partner. This has been attributed to the lack of control the male partner feels in the relationship as a result of the woman’s high earnings. In some other abusive relationships, even the children are not spared. That was the case of Glory Thompson who was kicked out of the house by her ex-husband after a long period of domestic abuse. “He went to the kids’ room that fateful night, woke them up and kicked us all out of our home,’’ she said. Another cause of domestic violence in most Nigerian homes is infertility. Once a woman is unable to conceive in the first few years of marriage, all fingers are pointed at her and she is accused of being the problem before clinical analysis to ascertain the cause is even done. Family members, especially in-laws, begins to attack her of being barren and this usually results in emotional distress for the woman. A look at a study conducted on women who visit fertility clinics revealed that many of these women reported some form of domestic violence – whether physical, mental or emotional. There were also trends that showed that some women of a particular tribe were more likely to experience violence in this case. The perceptions of domestic violence vary based on region, religion, and class. For example, the Tivs view wife beating as a “sign of love” that should be encouraged as evidenced in their popular saying: “If you have not been beaten by your husband, then you do not know the joy of marriage and that means you are not yet married.” All the major ethnic groups in Nigeria- Yoruba, Igbo and Hausa – have strong patriarchal societal structures that lead to the justification of domestic violence. However, the some are more supportive of domestic violence and view it as an inherent right of a husband. That is to say that domestic violence in some cultures have laid down instances were a husband is allowed to beat his wife. For instance, some cultures allow a woman who neglects her children or goes out without her husband’s consent, to be beaten by her husband to set her aright. For these group, this offences are more serious than when or if she refuses to sleep with her husband or they have being in a mere argument. Many of the reasons that are viewed as acceptable for domestic violence are largely subjective to a husband’s interpretation. For example, common acceptable beatings among men are lack of respect for husband, stubbornness, imposition of will on husband, and failure of wifely duties. In one study done to review the acceptability of wife beating in Nigeria, the researchers put forward five scenarios and asked both men and women some questions which related to trends that reveal whether or not wife beating is acceptable in some parts of the country. The result of the research showed that domestic violence was more acceptable in rural areas, among married and unmarried women, uneducated women and poor women. And the reason which was mostly viewed as justifiable to beat a female partner was going out without telling the husband. The finding were about the same for men. Domestic violence has also been established as being able to negatively affect women’s physical, mental, sexual and reproductive health, and may increase the risk of acquiring HIV in some settings. Men are more likely to perpetrate violence if they have low education, a history of child maltreatment, exposure to domestic violence against their mothers, harmful use of alcohol, unequal gender norms including attitudes accepting of violence, and a sense of entitlement over women. Women are more likely to experience intimate partner violence if they have low education, exposure to mothers being abused by a partner, abuse during childhood, and attitudes accepting violence, male privilege, and women’s subordinate status. There is evidence that advocacy and empowerment counselling interventions, as well as home visitation are promising in preventing or reducing intimate partner violence against women. Situations of conflict, post conflict and displacement may exacerbate existing violence, such as by intimate partners, as well as non-partner sexual violence, and may also lead to new forms of violence against women.